The Monster of Self

The Biggest Obstacle We All Face

We Western people are apt to think our great problems are external, environmental. We are not skilled in the inner life, where the real roots of our problems lie. The outer distractions of our interests reflect an inner lack of integration of our own lives. We are trying to be several selves at once, without all our selves being organized by a single, mastering life within us.

- Thomas R. Kelly, A Testament of Devotion

For most of us, it starts out when we're kids, probably sometime in grade school. You attempt to do something you love--perhaps you're skilled at kickball or you play a mean recorder--and one day something changes. Maybe you're a basketball player about to shoot a free throw with the game on the line, and previously, you would have been completely focused and nailed it. But this time you think, "I've gotta make this." That little switch in perspective is the beginning of a lifelong battle. You go from enjoying the moment to having to succeed, your heart on one side and your mind on the other.

Your heart, with its dreams and loves and passion, and your mind, with its logic and doubts and fears, are often at odds--but when they unite, it's liberating. When you play from the heart, your efforts are commendable for their own sake; the performance is its own reward. There are no thoughts that interfere, or if there are any, they are crystal clear, efficient and productive.

Playing from the heart gives you the freedom to fail, with no worries of the past or future regarding what may or may not happen. It's how we naturally once were until our minds began to get in the way. Our minds have a way of heckling and deceiving us, or just convincing us of our limits. It's a duel between love and logic that never ends.

In our consumer-oriented society, thousands of claims on our attention come at us every day: from television, radio, the Internet, e-mail, text messages--bombarding us from the moment we wake until the minute we sleep. We have more technology, more time-savers, and less time.

In this continuous barrage taking our thoughts in endless directions, we're constantly preoccupied. This state of affairs zaps our energy and distances us from our goals, and from ourselves, in the process. Our thoughts become the obstacle.

What we do with our thoughts affects every aspect of our lives, determining whether we're focused or scattered, successful or unsuccessful, fulfilled or frustrated. Every performance we'll ever have will largely be shaped by this battle in the mind. We've spent most of our lives with the mind doing what it wants, when it wants, and how it wants to do it--not unlike a spoiled child. The control center has got out of control.

We're attached to our minds and thus can't see the mind for what it is: an instrument that needs to be handled properly, adjusted as needed, and turned off when necessary. In our attachment we get too close to the story. We need to step back and take a broader look.

In this chapter we'll take on the biggest obstacle you will ever face: yourself. We'll review how the mind locks onto the past and projects it to the future. We'll see how it stifles our freedom and our struggles to see beyond our failures and past limitations.